Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
