respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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