Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
