she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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