Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need water and some morals
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
