And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
