he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
