oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
