You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
