Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
