I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
