seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
