apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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