i will never coherently bang her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
