Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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