I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
