I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
