Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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