why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this boner is exhausting
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
