Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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