I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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