im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
