i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
