we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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