aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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