oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i already hear my dad disowning me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
