Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
