My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
