kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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