So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
