I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize