So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
