I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize