He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
