Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
