summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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