What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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