Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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