Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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