you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize