does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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