you have to choose: penises or morals?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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