i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
