dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
