she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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