I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
