Where is the hickey?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
