YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
