You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
