when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
