At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
