You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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