I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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