yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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