remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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