I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
