I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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