You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
