she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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