i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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