I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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