Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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