i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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