I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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