I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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