1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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