My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
