if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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