Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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