what day is it and did you see me today?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
