I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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