Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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